A couple of weeks ago, with the help of my father and friends Steph and Frog, I stood up my first fence. A milestone for me to say the least. A chance to do something really masculine - something that separates the men from the boys - like mustering cattle in the high country, plowing a field with your bare hands, necking a VB long-neck or wearing leather to mardi gras - that sort of thing. But it wasn't quite what I had in mind.
Firstly, the posts need to be positioned in a straight line. Sounds straight forward but surprisingly, it's not. In fact, it seems that even when you manage to dig all your post holes in a dead straight line - by the time you put the posts in, the holes have moved. Some of the holes even seemed to have moved uphill - which is some feat in itself. I don't understand this - but then, there are many things in the country I don't yet understand. Perhaps one day when I'm old and grey, I'll see some poor city-slicker trying to stand up their first crooked fence and just nod knowingly and smile and give them the shits.
But the posts were only half my battle. You see, it turns out that barbed wire is equally as effective at deterring humans as it is cows. In fact, one might argue that it is more effective against humans, as it is specifically designed to cut into cow hide (a.k.a. leather) - which unlike our bovine friends, we are not blessed with. Further, it seems (unless my fence making mentors were taking the piss) that the most effective way to secure the barbed wire to each end of the fence is to tie it (yes, tie it - like you do with your shoelaces). Thankfully, I didn't strike any major arteries in the delecate but painful battle that ensued between myself and the barbed wire, and all but the deepest of cuts on my hands, arms and inner thighs have now healed completely.
So now that I have successfully stood up a barbed-wire fence and swung a gate with my own hands, I know what to do next time - call a fencing contractor!
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